Pan o Palo

…on life, marriage, and alcohol
July 28, 2010, 11:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I started this blog some time ago to mostly rail against the politics that I thought were destroying this country/world, etc. Then I got a Twitter account. Then Eloise was born. Then life started to take me to some, uh, interesting places.

I’ve used this blog to detail my recent battles against depression and anxiety. It’s been cathartic; and I’ve appreciated the feedback. But now it’s time to come clean with the rest of the story.

I’m recently separated from my wife, and living in my parent’s spare bedroom. I sleep on an air mattress and rely on my Mom for food. I won’t go into gory detail about why my wife and I are apart, but I’ll say that it’s mostly my doing. I still get to see Eloise every few days, but not as much as I’d like to. It’s hard being a parent when you’re not doing much parenting. I miss my house, I miss the life I had with my wife, and I miss being a somewhat-independent adult.

Another component of my recent ills: my addiction to alcohol. It helped drive a wedge between me and my wife that I’m not sure will ever be mended. After my most recent stay at a crisis facility, I decided it was time to have a Rule 25 Assessment done.

The results weren’t too surprising. I’m a highly-functioning alcoholic that needs treatment. And that’s what I’m doing. I start three months of outpatient treatment this Monday. It’s obviously not an easy pill to swallow, admitting that you’re addicted to anything. But it will, literally, save my life.

I don’t know if this will get me my wife and baby back. I don’t know if the “higher power” thing will rankle me so much that I want out. But I need to do this, in conjunction with the other treatments that I’m going through (therapy, drugs, etc.). I will also be submitting random UAs, so another incentive for me to stay clean.

I am absolutely grateful to have parents that have taken me in during this time. I’m also grateful to have a loving wife that, while we’re not exactly together right now, is supporting me 100%. And I’m absolutely grateful to have the unconditional love of a beautiful (almost) 9 month old daughter that’s keeping me alive. She’ll never have any idea how much she’s helped me.

And now you know a little more about me.


6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I know this wasn’t easy to post. Thanks for doing so. Your frankness is a great example.

Comment by Virgotex

Step one. Done.
Find a way to make it work for you. You have a lot of motivation. I hope you will have recovery and health and many good things ahead these coming weeks.

Comment by tuffermor

Thinking about you and sending all good wishes for your recovery.

Comment by Soprano

Andy, I’m so sorry to learn of your trying times of late, and I’m frankly embarrassed that I wasn’t really aware of it all until now. (I’m pretty notorious for being out of the loop generally, though.) You may recall a blog post I once wrote about how my children, including a daughter who was about the same age then as Weezy was when you posted this, literally saving my life. (If not, hit me up on Twitter or email and I’ll send you the link.)

Point being, no matter what, keep your daughter always in focus and at the forefront of your recovery and you’ll succeed. I have not a shred of doubt about that.

I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

Comment by JT Orlando

This post couldnt be more on the level…

Comment by Cheap Computer Desks

Tremendous piece!

Comment by juegos

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